Have you ever doubted yourself? Not in a casual can-I-complete-this-task sort of doubt. But a more serious, intense and nerve-racking kind of doubt. One that questions each and every thing you do. That questions each and every thing you believe in. And living with it, not for a few moments, but for days and weeks and month on end. It is really bad. Really bad for your head, which gets totally screwed up and really bad for your life, in general.
I am living with the latter kind of doubt and there are several things I have been doubting about myself for the last few months. If you’ve followed this blog, you will know that these last few months have been hellish for me. Never quite lived life like this – thinking myself to be a scared spineless neurotic nincompoop. But ah well, I guess God has all sorts of plans to test faith. Though Sri Sri says that God never tests because He knows us completely. There is nothing to test. However, I feel that he does keep testing the fact whether we’re learning or not.
Things I’m currently doubting are:
- Whether I have what it takes to be an entrepreneur?
- Can I really come up with something unique?
- Can I ever have the kind of lifestyle I imagine for myself – free, fearless and absolute bliss?
- Can I absolutely come out of the seriously bad ass habit of procrastinating?
- Will I ever fall really hard in love again? Just like the first time?