After months of confusion and chaos and depression and negativity, I finally battled out to come clean and clear my head and finally figure out what to do with my life. So I decided to study more, learn a little and perhaps get a degree in business administration. Began studying confidently, and put in hard work, day in, day out. There were only three months left for the exam so I had very little time. I studied a good deal for almost two months.

But now, all of a sudden, my focus and drive seems to be wearing out for no apparent reason. Perhaps, its because the going is getting tough. And I need to toughen up if I want to come out as a winner. Without a proper mentor, without a support system, it seems like a daunting task. But I have to remind myself that there have been a lot of people in human history who have had to battle with way worse conditions than me to acheive way greater things. If I have to make my mark on mankind, I will have to toughen up. Set my priorities straight. Focus more than ever before. Be ruthless and say NO to the things that don’t matter right now.

My spirit, the human spirit, my core is made of the same stuff as that of any other great human ever born into this planet. So all that I need is already there inside me. I just need to believe more in myself. Trust that what I’m doing is right. Even if it isn’t right, at least I should have the guts to acheive my goal and than decide what to do next. I cannot weasel out of my own standards. Steve wouldn’t have done this. Gandhiji wouldn’t have. They were stubborn as hell. I need to be as well. I need to have that conviction and drive.

What is the larger picture? I want to setup something of my own and perhaps getting a good business education from a good business school will enable me to do that. This was my goal three months back in August. I have to stick to it.

This attitude of mine, of convincing myself out of anything that I set to do, ain’t gonna work. I need to change my attitude. I have everything. I have the brains, the logic, the math and all the other skills needed. All I need is more confidence. I’ll pray to God to give it to me. I’ll take a good, deep look inside my soul and ask it to guide me.